Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
