dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Randomize
