yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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