And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
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