What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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