I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
