I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
