This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
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