I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
