He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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