she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
