I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
