She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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