ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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