I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
