Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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