I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
