why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Randomize
