Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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