Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
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