Ambien. No doubt about it.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
We're using joints as your birthday candles
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
