What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
We left an ass print on the piano.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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