I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
