she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
