you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Randomize
