I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
