i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Randomize
