I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize