I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Randomize
