Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Randomize
