I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
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