I hate all girls vehemently.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
