I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Randomize
