In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize
