you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Randomize
