I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
