Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
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