Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
