Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
