How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
