wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
