I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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