I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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