literally had 100 drinks last night.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Randomize
