i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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