We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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