how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
where are you?
Hypothermia
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
