guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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