She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
