so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
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